


Bright Star

by neverending_story



Category: Homeland
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-28
Updated: 2017-03-28
Packaged: 2018-10-05 19:56:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,151
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10315817
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neverending_story/pseuds/neverending_story
Summary: Carrie and Quinn tell each other some truths...





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SNQA](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SNQA/gifts).



> Bright star, would I were stedfast as thou art—  
> Not in lone splendour hung aloft the night  
> And watching, with eternal lids apart,  
> Like nature's patient, sleepless Eremite,  
> The moving waters at their priestlike task  
> Of pure ablution round earth's human shores,  
> Or gazing on the new soft-fallen mask  
> Of snow upon the mountains and the moors—  
> No—yet still stedfast, still unchangeable,  
> Pillow'd upon my fair love's ripening breast,  
> To feel for ever its soft fall and swell,  
> Awake for ever in a sweet unrest,  
> Still, still to hear her tender-taken breath,  
> And so live ever—or else swoon to death.
> 
> John Keats

He's surrounded by darkness but after all those hours his eyes have adjusted to it. If he wanted to, he would easily be able to see the glimpses of the mundane lives of this suburban neighborhood in detail through his telescope, but he turns his gaze upwards instead. That is, he _could_ have looked the other direction but maybe that would make his heart ache more that he is able to handle right now. 

The sky is incredibly clear this night, the stars are spread all over it like jewels. He keeps looking at the brightest of them all, thinking that back then, during the lonely nights in the desert he had wished to be up there too. Watching the Earth from distance, being away from all the pain and dying, floating in silence, heavenly silence. Not feeling anything just simply... _being_.

But maybe such existence would be incredibly lonely. More than he had felt back then, a whole lifetime ago. More than he feels right now. For a few seconds, or maybe for the whole eternity, he closes his eyes, lets his mind forget about everything and breaths in the chilly winter air. 

Everything is so fucked up right now but maybe out of desperation, maybe because this whole situation is so absurd, maybe because he doesn't know what awaits around the next corner, he just lets his mouth curl into a genuine smile. And then his brain betrays him, like many times during these past months, and goes to the forbidden territory - to _her_. And he sees things, _feels_ things, really feels them, and it hurts, but so fucking beautifully that he can't help but keep smiling until his cheeks hurt and his stomach hurts, so he bites his tongue to stop it and feel a different kind of pain. And then he remembers he's got a bullet wound in his shoulder and laughs even more. He thinks of that star up there and imagines she's most certainly laughing too. 

Then suddenly something stirs behind him.

"You see something?"

"No."

"Looks like you do."

"You're not sleeping?"

"For the past five minutes, no."

"I'm...just...looking at the stars."

"Well...not sure if our guy's gonna appear up there...unless he's really good at flying."

"He's gone."

"Is he?"

"Left an hour ago."

"We should switch then. You should rest."

"I'm fine, Carrie. Just go back to sleep."

"Well I can't. And you look...a bit..."

"Yeah, alright. But no theatre till morning so...you can stalk the neighbors if you wish."

"Right."

They both suddenly freeze in an awkward frame, not sure whether to move from their safe positions and cross each other's borders. 

"So...what now...are you gonna show me the stars instead?"

"Seriously?"

"No, not seriously."

"Oh, okay."

Even more awkward silence.

"Why, Quinn...?"

"Why what?"

"Why did you ask me to come here?" 

"Maybe I wanted you to see things more clearly."

"Well...truth is I'm even more confused about it all."

"Not more than me...perhaps."

"Are we still talking about the operation?"

"Should we be talking about something else?"

"Well you tell me..."

"I don't know, Carrie...maybe I don't _wanna_ know."

"Whatever it is, Quinn, just...say it."

"Just...maybe I just wish you would've told me the whole truth."

"Truth...about what?"

"I know about Berlin. Why I am how I am."

"Quinn, I..."

"It's...perhaps it _was_ the right thing to do...maybe you just didn't need to make such a sacrifice. Taking care of me. Maybe you could just tell me. Maybe you didn't need to atone for..."

"Atone? You mean visiting your every day for six months because I couldn't bear the guilt."

"Yeah that's what I mean."

"Right. I _do_ feel guilty you know. I do. And it wasn't the easiest time for me either as you can probably recall...maybe I didn't tell you the whole truth because I was afraid. Maybe I didn't tell you because I thought....you know what, forget it."

"Yeah well...maybe I thought...maybe I thought too...hoped..."

"Hoped..."

"Yeah..."

"Quinn....I...I don't know if you know what I'm saying..maybe I'm not sure about anything anymore..maybe it doesn't matter now in the end but...there's something about Berlin...something _more_...something you _don't_ know...fuck this is hard..."

He's looking at her closely and can't fathom the sense of her words...then suddenly there's something at the back of his mind, a train of thought, a memory, a possibility. A possibility that utterly scares him. She's looking down at the blanket and back at him in turns, he notices there're tears forming in her eyes.

"I guess it's not true anymore so it doesn't change anything but...I...I read your letter. The one you had written before Syria...it was..delivered to me when we thought that..."

 _Fuck_.

"Didn't know how to tell you..if..or.. _why_..It..helped me to see things more clearly. I just...wish...maybe it also doesn't matter I read it because...I..because I would've done the same even without it. At least I hope so..."

"Come here."

She slowly stands up and comes to him. Her heart is beating in her throat. The moonlight is shining on his face and it hurts so much to be looking at him right now.

"See that star? Is it the best possible existence or the worst imaginable? Does one notices the darkness if they're a part of it...and if there's a light...does one..desperately follow it until he realizes it's so distant he's never gonna reach it..."

"But there is...still is..."

Her hand reaches his.

"The light..."

Without much hesitation, she slowly leans towards him and kisses him. Telling him the truth wordlessly. They both are.

After a while, he feels a single salty tear drop on his cheek. 

"Maybe we could _both_ use some sleep. For now."

She smiles brightly and takes his hand. It feels strangely natural to just crawl in a bed together. A bed that is made of old mattresses and travel blankets.

When they lie down, he lowers himself a bit and puts his head on her chest, close to her heart. It takes her by surprise, but it doesn't make her feel uncomfortable. Quite the opposite.

As if her hands decided to speak for her, she gently puts them on his head and starts running her fingers trough his hair.

As he's blissfully falling asleep he hears strange sounds above him.

"Are you...crying?"

"No...laughing, actually..."

"About...?"

"Don't know....your hair got really long."

"Right," he says while smiling and almost immediately drifts into unconsciousness.

The sound that sometimes confuses humans and wakes up suburban neighbors is the laughter of a star. Of a star shining in the darkness, watching from the distance, guiding them where they need to be. _Home_.


End file.
